Page 1450

~~((The 12 Pages of Christmas + Double Monday = Page 4 of 14))~~
Dammit, he could already hear the tears hissing as they evaporated in the heat of the Undercrust. Now he needed to focus on not devolving into a blubbering mess like last time.

‘Ooh, I really wasn’t thinking,’ tried Yangéra, still wrapped in the echo of privacy. ‘That was very low of me. I’m sorr--’

‘Why didn’t she love me back?!’ said Diego.

‘Well, it probably had something to do with the fact that she was a gold digging whore and an all-around ungrateful bitch,’ said Yangéra.

Even through his extremely manly weeping, Diego had to breathe a short laugh. ‘No!’ he said, though only halfheartedly. ‘She wasn’t like that!’

‘She was, Diego. She absolutely was.’

He sniffled and rubbed his eyes.

‘There, there. It wasn’t your fault, sweetie. She betrayed your trust. I’m very sorry for bringing her up, okay? And you know what? I think it’s great that you’re still putting yourself out there like you have been. Sure, sometimes it rubs me the wrong way a little bit and makes me want to give you a hard time, but ultimately, I think it’s healthy.’

‘...Really? You don’t think I’m a stupid asshole who’ll never find a woman who loves me?’

‘Of course I don’t think that. If anything, I’m just preemptively jealous of whoever that woman turns out to be. Because I just love you so much myself. Alright?’

‘Alright...’

‘There we go. Now straighten yourself up. We can’t have other people seeing the big, bad Lord Redwater like this.’

He started slowly shuffling his way back out into the street. ‘But what’s a lord without a lady...?’

‘Oh, god...’

‘We were gonna get married...’

‘I know, sweetie. But she didn’t deserve you.’

He stopped walking again. ‘Wait a minute. Did she...? Did she think the same thing that you were thinking just now? That I’m some sort of disgusting playboy?’

‘Ah. Well... um...’

His eyes widened. ‘Oh my god...!’

‘Mm,’ was all Yangéra had for him.

He just stared at the reaper with his mouth slightly open.

‘...So you genuinely didn’t sleep with any of those women?’ said Yangéra.

‘NO!’

‘Okay! I’m sorry! I--it--you...’ She seemed to be lost for words.

And so was he.

‘But if that’s the case, then you’ve seriously gotta stop being so friendly with strange women. I’m pretty sure that most of the family thinks that you’re a huge slut, too.’

‘What?! Since when?!’

‘Since, oh, maybe... you were about twenty-two, twenty-three?’

‘That was fifteen fucking years ago!’

‘Yeeeaaahhh...’

‘Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?!’

‘I... I mean, I made jokes about it pretty regularly. And so did other people.’

‘I thought those were just jokes!’

‘Well, they were. Mostly. I-I didn’t want to criticize you for your lifestyle, sweetie.’

‘That wasn’t my lifestyle!’

‘I am now realizing that, yes.’

‘AGH!’